I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
