I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize