Screwed.edu
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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