coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I smell like Dick and happiness
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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