I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize