he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
