if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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