Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
