I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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