This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
