Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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