my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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