I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
