I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
