guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize