I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
