You made me cry and you don't even care
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize