just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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