NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
