Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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