How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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