...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize