Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
