My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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