Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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