So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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