if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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