She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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