Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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