if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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