You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
