no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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