I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
