I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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