My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize