yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
