Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
