she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
NoShamevember. You game?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
