he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
