theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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