btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
