Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
