I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
