i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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