Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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