Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize