I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So. Much. Porn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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