I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
