Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
