i just had sex bonerless
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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