gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
