Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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