So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
