I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
