Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
