Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
