do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
