just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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