At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
