My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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