watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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