I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
