DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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