I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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