I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize