I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
