can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize