1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
