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Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
