I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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