She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
