My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
