you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
