what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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