First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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