This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
