i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
