rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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