I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
