I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
