Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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