Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
