I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
high people should be assigned attendants
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
