i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
