We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
