You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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