you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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