If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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