his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
