You smell like stripper and shame
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
