I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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