sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
