Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
