I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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