all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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