So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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