Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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